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This period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {