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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she's repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, since they had been drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several of her friends have drifted apart leaving her sure why. Her previous job turned on her, although she had been very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both stepped back from work leading to more each other more, however, I feel my role in our friendship is as the audience. I open topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been arranging a holiday to a nation I know well on several occasions and resided in previously. I tried to share advice, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially solely sought my agreement with her choices. I have returned from a month in that country she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she'll truly understand the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, my state is distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, however, that approach is rarely the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution requires bravery and readiness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear like an unbiased account. The second is to tell her how it makes you feel. There should be no argument here. Emotions belong to you, after all. Step three is to question how you are both will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Consider she too has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version about themselves they cannot abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it represents they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react like this and then think on your words. And even if you never reach a resolution, it provides closure from having been truthful.